I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
