so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize