Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
