And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
