what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
