I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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