I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize