Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
