i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
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