it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
