I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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