I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
