no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
