im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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