I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
