oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
