Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
