No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
we're making bets on your personal life
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
