I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
