like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
