well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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