I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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