Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Randomize
