every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
