So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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