Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
