I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I stole a fireplace last night.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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