We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
