Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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