you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
