My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
