May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'm sobbing to NWA
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
