I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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