she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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