You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
