Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
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