oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
