Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
