I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
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