I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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