This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
