I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
