He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
