i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
