i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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