I want to walk on stilts...naked
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
We had sex on a dog bed..
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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