I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
