She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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