Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
