I'm jealous of your bromance
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
