I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
