look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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