apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You are the jesus of drinking
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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