Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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