Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
