I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
