Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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