I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize