i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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