i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
