I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Im part way to drunk.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
