so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
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I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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